My husband has served as a Mormon bishop for the past 5 years and four months. He was released on Sunday and there was a change in the bishopric. I've been reflecting on these past five years. In the Mormon church, we have a lay ministry. The bishop isn't paid nor is anyone else who holds a ward or stake calling. He has his own profession and does his Bishop job in the spare remaining hours.
He has given many, many hours to those who have needed a bishop's counsel and listening ear
He has seen people change for the better
He has been able to wear the father hat and the bishop hat in our home
He has shown our sons what it means to serve willingly, consecrating his time
He has gained wisdom and compassion, humility
The years have passed by quickly. Our youngest son was 7 years old when he started serving as a bishop; the oldest was 17. Now, the oldest is home from his mission and at college. Son number 2 is more than halfway through his mission. Son number 3 is 16 and the youngest is 12. They are growing up well and are all faithful in the church.
When he was first called, there were no other callings in the ward as it was a newly formed ward. His counselors were out of town that August of 2008 for the first 2-3 weeks after he was called and so much of the ward organization fell on his shoulders. I remember him standing at the pulpit that first Sunday, a brand new Bishop--the only member of the ward with a calling. I was at the organ. He had forgotten to line someone up for an opening prayer. Our son Paul was sitting on the front row to pass the sacrament and so Jeff called on him to pray. Since nothing else was set up for that Sunday, we only held Sacrament Meeting. Gradually, the ward council was formed and there were presidents and counselors for every organization. It was a very big job.
Fortunately for me, he did most of his appointments and counseling in the later evening hours. I was usually asleep when he came home. That was a blessing for me.
I think there are people in the ward who don't realize that I'm the Bishop's wife. I have been low-key about it and just gone about my business. Jeff and I only cross paths occasionally on a Sunday at church.
I enjoyed the young women who fondly called me Sister Bishop occasionally. I will miss that, but will pass along that distinction to the next Bishop's wife.
I will miss the comraderie with the other bishops and their wives in the stake and the Bishop's Refreshers. I think only a Bishop's wife understands what it's like to be a Bishop's wife. That's why it is especially nice to have their support whenever we see each other at Stake functions.
It means not speaking badly about anyone in the ward (as it reflects on your husband and the spirit of the ward). It means being left out of some conversations sometimes. It means that your husband knows things that he can't talk about. . . that was a first for us in our marriage. Sometimes he would come home, obviously saddened by what had happened. I could not ask questions; he could not share. It was right and best that he keep confidences. Sometimes I would worry that I would walk down the hallway at church at happily greet someone, not knowing that they had had a very difficult spiritual week and were hurting inside. They might have thought I knew all about it when I didn't.
It means long Sundays as he helps other people. Sometimes, I would stand out on the front watching for his car to come down the road. One night I had invited a newly found cousin and her husband over for dinner. He realized that he had a Priesthood Preview that evening to attend with one eleven year old young man from our ward. My response was, "I guess that's what it means to be the Bishop's wife." He went and arrived back home late for dinner. It was o.k. There were just moments like that.
Now that he is released, I look forward to Sundays and going to and from church together, Sunday meals after church together and sitting next to Jeff in church. I have a list of home jobs waiting for him. I wonder what his next calling will be.
1/19/14 Update. Jeff was asked to be the Sunday School teacher for the 16-18 year old youth at church. He will team teach it with Brother Quezada. It is an excellent calling as he was close to that group of youth when he was Bishop. Now, he can continue to touch their lives every Sunday. I think he's pretty happy about it. Plus, he enjoys teaching. As for me, I have been enjoying having all of his attention for our family. I have also enjoyed having our new Bishop. I don't feel the same sense of responsibility for the ward or the responsibility to live up to people's expectations of what a Bishop's wife "is". I also feel the care from someone outside our family who will help us and I really appreciate that. If you don't have a bishop, I would suggest visiting a Mormon church. It is really a wonderful thing!
