A good friend of mine died this past week. He was 91 years old. I have known him for 23 years. Our interactions have included attending church together, cub scout projects, dinners with our family, and enjoying piano recitals together and more recently, frequent visits in his home. He was a kind, gentle person who loved so many people and was loved by so many. All who loved him thought that they were his most special friend. We realized quite clearly at the memorial last night that there were many of us whom he considered special.
He didn't want a funeral. He didn't want people to fuss over him. So, we just had a little fireside, in the Relief Society room on a Sunday evening. We had a few pictures in frames on the front table, one bouquet of flowers, and two little dishes holding sticks of gum and lollipops which he gave out to children all of the time. The room was filled to capacity. It was an important moment for us to celebrate his life and find a little closure for our loss of a friend. I hope that he was o.k. with that.
These are my notes from the evening of the things his friends and family said.
1. Bishop Yeates: "I've known him for the last five years. Dick Aegerter was my home teacher. He was very faithful. He always came in the first two weeks. Sometimes we couldn't see him during the first two weeks because of our schedule and sometimes he was uncomfortable if we needed to schedule the appointment for the third week. He always came prepared with his lesson. He was very faithful. For the last visit, we went to his house because we knew that he wanted to complete his home teaching."
2. Bill Robinson: I was Dick's home teaching companion and I can vouch for his faithfulness even at the end. He still had a message prepared. Dick set goals. He was a sealer in the temple for over thirty years. One of his goals was to do one endowment session each week. Of all I know who have crossed to the other side, I know for sure that Dick Aegerter will hear the words, "Well done thou good and faithful servant."
3. Judy Kigin: "I have known Dick since before Joyce and Dick married. I have two stories. When our daughter Colleen was in college, she had abdominal pains. Colleen was so sick and had to go to the hospital. We called Dick to see if he could come give her a blessing. Dick gave the blessing and Collen had zero pain at that point. We were so grateful for his faith. Dick also performed another son's wedding."
4. Chris Hare: "I lived in the Arlington ward for nine years. I lived around the corner from Dick. We took muffins to him and got tootsie pops and gum regularly. He was a great neighbor. Dick would call for computer help. After the earthquake, Dick called and Chris was home. Dick was ready to go up on the roof to calk the chimney which had some cracks. I talked him out of it. My most significant memory was from ten years ago. After my mission, Kate and I got married and Brother Aegerter sealed us. We went on our honeymoon and came back to church and found Brother Aegerter on the back row of church. It was a constant reminder of our temple sealing."
5. Christin Lucia: "I'm in a carpool with several pre-school kids in the ward. We pass Brother Aegert's home and the kids says, "There's Brother Aegerter's house. He gives me lollipops." Another kid said incredulously, "You have a Brother Aegerter too?!" Kristin and Kim cared deeply for
Dick. When Rene organized visits for Brother Aegerter so he wouldn't be alone during the day, I signed up to go a couple times a week. At first, I worried that we would run out of things to talk about, but we never did. He told me some family history. His paternal grandparents joined the church in Switzerland. They didn't have enough money to send everyone to the U.S., so they started with two children. The two sons went to different farms in Logan. The family joined them in the U.S. about a year later. Sometimes the Swiss/Germans were treated poorly, but Dick never felt treated poorly because he was an athlete. He was the state champion one year in high jump and long jump in Idaho. He always tried to treat everyone with dignity. He was completely at peace with dying. He had a perfectly clear conscience and was at peace with his testimony about his life after this one."
6. Paul Lambert: "I have been Brother Aegerter's home teacher for about three years. I didn't have a companion so, I often took my kids. I will always remember his unwavering testimony. It was always Brother Aegerter who did the teaching. I would prepare a message and then somehow turn it to "What do you think?" and he would teach me. I will never forget his testimony of the Book of Mormon. He had an absolute love for all. I remember when I was new in the High Priest Quorum. Brother Aegerter always made me feel loved. I took two or three children (Wally and Rose). About six months ago, he knew he should tell his home teacher. The kids were there when he explained. Ever since then, the children have always prayed for Brother Aegerter and they did this without being prompted. When I shared with the children that he had died, their prayers were "We're grateful that he's in heaven and will never get sick again." He always let the children know they were loved. The presence of so many here is a testament of his influence on so many."
7. Petrine Squires: "We raised our family in the Arlington wards so, very early on we became friends with Joyce and Dick. Marilyn and I have remined friends. I learned back in February that Dick was ill. Marilyn wanted him to go to Utah but Dick didn't want to. Dick didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want light shed on him. Dick sealed Raymond (Petrine's husband) to his parents. Dick was such a part of our lives. We are so blessed to have known Dick and Joyce."
8. J.D. Evans: "I am an Arlington Ward alumnus. We moved here in 1970 and met Dick at church. I was a patent attorney and Dick was a patent examiner. My job was to convince an examiner that the invention was great and unique and deserved a patent. The examiner's job was to see if it merited a patent. I had a number of cases examined by Dick. Sometimes if a lot of progress wasn't being made, you'd go in person. Once when I went to the office, I was surprised to find that he was the examiner and I said, "Hi Brother Aegerter!" He said, "Don't you Brother Aegerter me." He didn't want to cmpromise his integrity as an examiner. Most examiners looked at how you portrayed the item, but it wasn't enough for Dick. If one case wasn't really patentable, instead of finishing, he would say, "There might be something that you haven't considered." He took time to show how the invention could be redefined to fit the requirements. He went the extra mile. He preached the greatest funeral sermon I have ever heard. He was a great leader. The only thing he didn't do during the temple shift was take a break."
9. Kim Dawson: "I am one of many grateful people Dick home taught. He was a wonderful man, such a faithful, kind home teacher. He was even nice to the cat. Recently, I needed a blessing and I received it in September (just weeks before he died). He always served quietly and humbly."
10. Donna Oliphant: "We bought a car from him. It was literally held together with duct tape. Marc drove it to Provo and to pick up his fiancee. It was the first time he had met her family. Dick thought ANYTHING could be fixed with duct tape. I was worried about my daughters getting married, but I knew about Brother Aegerter's reputation (he married later). He said he regretted not marrying Joyce earlier. Sometimes he was a grump."
11. Dick Farnsworth: "I am a sealer at the temple. We used to watch conference at the temple chapel. It was so sad not to see him the last time. Brother Willis is the czar of all sealers. He makes all the assignments. Brother Willis is the grandson of Heber J. Grant. Bro. Willis and Bro. Aegerter had been at the Cheyenne Air Force Base together. They used to reminisce about Montpelier."
12. Jill Casillas: "Our family loved Dick. He was a good handyman. As I was visiting him recently, I got to read through his sealing book. It was special because he had sealed two of the Casillas children. I got to see Dick regularly because every six months, he came to get his teeth cleaned. He was grumpy one time at the dental office. Just grumpy. He said, "The missionaries get to call home twice a year. I'd just like to talk to Joyce." Do not ride to the temple with Dick! He brought rose bouquets to the office at least twice a year."
13. Kim___: "I am a niece. I have lived here for 18 years. Joyce and Dick were my family after nursing school. I had a new car. I vacuumed the car at Joyce and Dick's house. Dick was kind of grumpy, but made a huge transformation after Joyce got sick. Visits after that point were really wonderful. He would make me avocado sandwiches. He always had soft white bread. And he always made me ice cream cones. He always brought diet A&W root beer. When he first started to decline, he didn't want to tell anyone. One time he fell. He laid on the street for 20 minutes. He couldn't use his legs. I was horrified to learn this. He crawled back into the house and pulled himself up. He said, "Do not call Marilyn. She'll have the entire Arlington ward at my house." On Sunday, he took a big nose dive. I told him that he couldn't be by himself any more, that he would need to go to a nursing home or hospice or have someone stay with him full time. He said, "I just want to be at home." He didn't want to leave.
14. Ray Alvarez: "I am also a sealer at the DC temple. I knew Dick since he was in the Bishopric. We always knew that the Arlington ward started on time and ended early. He was always very organized. I am the recipient of much of Dick's temple work. He did endowments every Saturday morning. He was a pleasure to work with."
15. Kristina Stansel: "I was thinking of the last conversation we had. He said "Please have Katie come see me after school." He was in the nursery when Katie was in the nursery. He asked why Katie hadn't come to see him. Kristina became aware he was sick when kids said, "Where is Brother Aegerter? We haven't seen him at church." He was a light on the hill. I was shocked when I found out that he was 90 years old.
16. Juli Bowman: "I knew Joyce first. We moved to Arlington in 1997 when we were newlyweds. Joyce was the first person who knew my name. She always said hello and always remembered me and was kind and sweet. Joyce came to a baby shower. Her gift was apples and pumpkin cookie cutters. The cute little dresses are all outgrown and worn out, but just last week, I used the cookie cutters. We loved receiving Christmas cards from Brother Aegerter. They were simple and he just signed his name and include a few sticks of gum. He always remembered the kids. The kids were shocked to learn that he was 91 years old. He was quiet and reserved. We wanted to do something to remember him and decided that we wanted to plant a tree--a gum tree. Besides the connection with the sticks of gum, it is also symbolic because it is one of the last to flower in the spring, but in the fall it provides the most brilliant color. We have made arrangements with Rene to plant a gum tree and are in contact with the Arlington County commemorative program chairman. The deadline was July, but since we have connections and the fall planting time is right, we will be able to get the tree planted in the next week or two.
17. Sarah Yeates (age 9): "He gave me a tiny music box and a cuckoo clock. I turn on the music box and think of him. He was very special to me."
18. Sierra Casillas: "I can't remember not knowing Joyce and Dick. I remember sharing time in primary and the purple quilt and Joyce teaching us. I always thought I was Brother Aegerter's favorite, but I'm finding out that many people were his favorites. I could tell he was declining. I asked him if he wanted me to read to him. He said, "Let's read from the Ensign." The Ensigns he had were from 1970! But he loved them because he could see how the prophecies came true. His faith was inspiring.
19. Rene Johnson: "I also read the 1970 Ensigns with him and he also talked with me about how the prophecies were being fulfilled. I was the recipient of wooden flowers. He must have spent a lot of time on those. He helped me with cub scout projects--such as birdhouses. He would often bring me bouquets of flowers and I took pictures of them so I could remember. He often attended my recitals and he never minced judgement on choir performances. If he liked it, he let me know. If he didn't, he shared that too. Jeff wishes he could be here, but he's in Paris on a work assignment. He told me that he was in the cathedral of Notre Dame and took a minute to light a candle for Brother Aegerter. He felt it would be a nice remembrance of him. He was a great friend and like a father to me. I will really miss him."
20. Linda Mason: "Brother Aegerter was almost like a twin to my father. At some point, I let him know how special he was to me. I haven't been in the same ward, but he always treated me like I was special.
21. Kent Colton: "It has been wonderful to sit and listen. Brother Aegerter lived life on his own terms. I knew Dick was sick but couldn't tell others. He did it because he cared about us. I didn't know about his relationship with all these children. I am impressed with the fact that Dick is now very happy. He and Joyce are together now. As for the questions we ask each other in the sealing rooms, he knows the answers now. It makes me eager to find the answers some day too. We love him.
22. Lincoln Oliphant: "I am a neighbor and ward member friend. He was a real straight arrow. His end of life decisions were just saluted. He could do it because the nieces. Thank you to the children for letting your mom serve. Did you know that Dick married Joyce because of a revelation. He heard it. Now I know there are some of you who want to say something before the evening is over. So, I hope you'll come up and say it.
23. Caroline Lucia (age 11): "Whenever we went over, he was always nice and always gave us gum and candy and root beer floats. He loved the gospel a lot. We could tell. He always added a message about the gospel every time we visited him.:
24. Kristen Corey: "I have the water works gene too. I found out fairly early on that he was ill. His wish was to stay in his home. I feel honored that we were able to help him. He loved his home, neighborhood, and ward. When the temple was closed in September, he said, "I have a month off, guilt-free." He hadn't been able to go for two weeks. The car was still in his possession. He thought he'd drive it again. Rene and I were worried that he would drive--but he was on vicoden. . . We signed up for hospice and them came several times a week. The chaplain came and Dick explained it to her. She never came back though. The nurse was a friend of Sierra's. The nurse heard him talking about faith. The nurse said, "Faith is important to me." Dick said, "It had better be." I recently moved to Mc2 from CA. In hindsight, there was more than one reason we moved here and I'm grateful for the part we were able to play in Uncle Dick's life. His capactiy for love was huge. He had a big heart and was generous and kind to others. It was just a week ago today that he was declining so rapidly but it seems so long ago."
25. Jim _____: "I have been a member for four years in the Arlington 1st ward. Brother Aegerter had a part. I was desperate for something. I was looking for spiritually. I had tried to find it by research and looked for 30+ years. I made a plan and every morning prayed. After 10 years, I noticed that being at church or around certain persons filled me with the spirit and I gravitated toward those experiences. A miracle brought me to the church and that feeling emanates from EVERYONE, absolutely every one at church. When I heard Brother Aegerter speak, I wanted more. When you are hungry and thirsty for spiritual food, you want more. That spirit is perfect in Brother Aegerter. He was knowledgeable, articulate, fun, entertaining, and had a good sense of humor, and everyone knew him. I looked for reasons to talk with him. Brother Aegerter always took time. He dignified things that might have been trivial.
26. Ashley _____: "I'm not exactly family, but I still called him Uncle Dick. A couple of months ago, he said he wanted to take me to lunch. He said it wasn't a date. He didn't know where to go. It was another scarey drive. We went to a nice restaurant. He just wanted a sandwich. He didn't even know what the stuff was.
27. Annabelle Bowman (age 12): "I love Brother Aegerter. I always gave him a hug and he'd give me a stick of gum. One time he gave me a stick of gum and I put it in my pocket. He said, "Why aren't you chewing your gum?" I said, "Because my parent don't want me to chew during sacrament meeting." He said, "Don't listen to your parents."
28. Katie Stansel (age 11): "Whenever I'd go visit him, he was always so caring. He'd always ask how I was and what I was doing. I usually didn't think much of it but I didn't realize how caring he was. I'm going to miss him so much."
29. Kim's husband: "It's been great to hear all these things. When Kim and I were dating, we'd go visit Dick and Joyce a lot. We spent a lot of time in their basement. Joyce told me that one day I'd get fat. We had a lot of fun conversation. I know he's happier now. I didn't like to see him suffering.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Commentary on "Successful People Don't Say These Things"
Successful People don't say these things:
I saw this on a facebook post. The source is:
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238537
I wanted to come back to this list regularly because as I think about the successful people I know, they succeed in part by not saying these things. I think there is a LOT of wisdom in this list.
If you want to become more successful as an entrepreneur or in your career, you can start by making a habit of talking and thinking more like the people you know or read about who are already successful.
Here are some phrases you’ll never hear a successful person say:
Related: The SEAL Teams Don't Accept These 10 Phrases, and Neither Should You
Related: 5 Things You Never Should Say to a Client
Sometimes to get to where you want to be, the best and easiest thing to do is to simply follow the examples that others set for you.
Now, my commentary:
Here are some of my observations of people who don't say these things:
1. "We can't do that." A computer programmer I work with on a big project. We have had to create some new scheduling systems for our music organization. While they've done similar things for other organizations, I know that we've given them some new scenarios to figure out. He routinely says, "give me a little time. I'm sure I can figure it out." And, he does!
2. and 3. "I don't know how." and "I don't know what that is" My husband doesn't say those words. He always says look it up or read the manual, or think about it. He seems to always figure it out.
4. and 10. "I did everything on my own" and "That was all my idea" My bishop at church is a good example of not saying that sentence. He routinely is sharing or giving credit to others, pulling them in, and always thanking others. It is very refreshing.
5. and 6. "That's too early" and "That's too late". This is an interesting one. Lots of people say it's too early. But, hats off to a 16 year old piano student of mine who has his lesson at 5:30 a.m. That's because he goes to seminary (an early morning church class each school day that starts at 6:30 a.m.). He's also a football player for his school team. I know that success will follow him for this sacrifice. The "too late" part. . . . is one I struggle with because I don't function well when I'm tired. Can one really not say BOTH of those statements to be successful?
7. and 8. "It's too bad we couldn't work together" and "Let's catch up sometime." I love it when someone says "Let's catch up sometime"----and instead of leaving it there with a mutual nodding of heads, we actually pull out the calendars and schedule a day. Speaking of which, I have a friend to call. . .
9. "I don't have time". Maybe successful people don't SAY that, but one does need to be wise and filter out things that don't merit your time.
11. "I don't ever read books", My husband is really well read and retains a very large percentage of what he reads. I think it is one of those things that helps him to be successful. It is easy for him to contribute to conversations because of what he has read. I'm off to the library to get my bookclub book for the month.
12. "I'm not good enough". You never hear that from top dogs. Never. Sometimes you don't hear that from the next or following tiers either. I love determined people who, even if they might realize they haven't arrived yet, are striving to be great at something. And the striving and the direction of movement are what is required.
13. and 14. "It's o.k." and "If our competitors don't have it then we don't need it". This is good advice too (that is, not to say those things). I think sometimes too if there is a bottleneck, there just might be other ways to solve the problem (or abandon it).
15. "Time off is for suckers". Amen. It is always rejuvenating to take a little break.
I saw this on a facebook post. The source is:
http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238537
I wanted to come back to this list regularly because as I think about the successful people I know, they succeed in part by not saying these things. I think there is a LOT of wisdom in this list.
If you want to become more successful as an entrepreneur or in your career, you can start by making a habit of talking and thinking more like the people you know or read about who are already successful.
Here are some phrases you’ll never hear a successful person say:
1. "We can't do that."
One thing that makes people and companies successful is the ability to make solving their customers’ problems and demands their main priority. If a need arises repeatedly, the most successful people learn how to solve it as quickly as they can.2. "I don't know how."
Instead of automatically shutting down solution-finding, successful people learn what they can in order to succeed in a project or in their career. For example, you would never see a truly successful international business consultant who travels to Italy multiple times per year refusing to learn Italian.3. "I don’t know what that is."
Pleading ignorance doesn’t make the problem go away. It just makes the asker find someone who is able to work with them to solve the problem. While’s it’s always good to be honest with those you interact with, finishing this phrase with “but I’ll find out” is a surefire way to become more successful.4. "I did everything on my own."
The best people know to surround themselves with others who are smart, savvy and as dedicated as they are. What makes this work is always giving credit where it’s due, as due credit to you will always come back in hand. Recognize those that have helped you or made an impact and you’ll continue to earn success and recognition yourself.Related: The SEAL Teams Don't Accept These 10 Phrases, and Neither Should You
5. "That's too early."
You would never hear Benjamin Franklin or someone such as Steve Jobs say, “that is too early for me to be there.” If there is a networking meeting, project launch or interview opportunity at the very beginning of the day, the most successful people do what it takes to be there. Part of being successful is being at the right place at the right time, no matter if you’re a morning bird or night owl.6. "That’s too late."
Along the same lines, if you’re asked to a 9 p.m. dinner by a potential business partner, and you can make it, definitely go. You may be tired the next day, but the connections you will make during a small dinner or after-hours meeting can make all the difference when it comes to your career or next project.7. "It's too bad we couldn't work together."
Truly hitting it off with someone can be a rare occurrence, but if you truly connect with someone and want to work with them, find a way to make it work. Finding people that you really enjoy communicating with don’t come along too often, so whether it’s a case study or a new business, successful people know that working with those who truly align with your personality and interests are the path to true success.8. "Let's catch up sometime."
Many times, this phrase is said as filler, without any true follow up. Successful people know that if they really want to catch up with someone, they follow up to make it happen. This also builds on the idea that the most successful people have worked hard to build genuine connections and relationships within their network, without any hidden agenda. Nurturing your network means being thoughtful of others, while keeping your relationships with them on top of your mind.9. "I'm sorry, I'm too busy."
If an opportunity comes their way, successful people do what it takes to make it happen. Sure, this might mean longer hours occasionally, but if you want something to work, that is what it takes. After all, according to Lao-Tzu: "Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.’”10. "That was all my idea."
Again, as mentioned in number four, the most successful people spread the wealth when it comes to doling out praise from a successful project. No idea is truly one’s own -- it’s a sum of their experiences from interacting and building off of collaborative ideas with a team. Doling out praise and encouragement is a crucial part of building a successful company and culture.Related: 5 Things You Never Should Say to a Client
11. "I never read books."
Tom Corley of Rich Habits found that rich people read (and listen to) books at a much higher rate than poor people: “63 percent of wealthy parents make their children read two or more non-fiction books a month vs. 3 percent of poor.” Also, “63 percent of wealthy listen to audio books during commute to work vs. 5 percent of poor people.” Reading non-fiction (as well as fiction) can help reduce stress, enhance creativity and boost your memory.12. "I'm not good enough."
Part of being successful is having a high sense of self-worth. Being yourself is one trait that promises success in business and your personal life. Follow your true interests. What you would do in your life if you didn’t need money?13. "It's OK." (over and over)
Successful people know when to walk away and stop taking excuses from others. If there is a bottleneck and something (or someone) is preventing you from completing a project on time, build up your business, or move you forward in your goals, then it’s time to set boundaries and decide to limit your involvement.14. "If our competitors don't have it, then we don't need it."
Copying competitors is one of the many possible deaths for most companies. True innovation comes from the flip side: figuring out what competitors aren’t doing and fill that niche to answer a need in the industry.15. "Time off is for suckers."
True success should be seen as a well-rounded approach, one with vacations, weekends with friends and family and hours of downtime on the weekdays. While workload varies for everyone at times, taking vacation can make you better at your job.Sometimes to get to where you want to be, the best and easiest thing to do is to simply follow the examples that others set for you.
Now, my commentary:
Here are some of my observations of people who don't say these things:
1. "We can't do that." A computer programmer I work with on a big project. We have had to create some new scheduling systems for our music organization. While they've done similar things for other organizations, I know that we've given them some new scenarios to figure out. He routinely says, "give me a little time. I'm sure I can figure it out." And, he does!
2. and 3. "I don't know how." and "I don't know what that is" My husband doesn't say those words. He always says look it up or read the manual, or think about it. He seems to always figure it out.
4. and 10. "I did everything on my own" and "That was all my idea" My bishop at church is a good example of not saying that sentence. He routinely is sharing or giving credit to others, pulling them in, and always thanking others. It is very refreshing.
5. and 6. "That's too early" and "That's too late". This is an interesting one. Lots of people say it's too early. But, hats off to a 16 year old piano student of mine who has his lesson at 5:30 a.m. That's because he goes to seminary (an early morning church class each school day that starts at 6:30 a.m.). He's also a football player for his school team. I know that success will follow him for this sacrifice. The "too late" part. . . . is one I struggle with because I don't function well when I'm tired. Can one really not say BOTH of those statements to be successful?
7. and 8. "It's too bad we couldn't work together" and "Let's catch up sometime." I love it when someone says "Let's catch up sometime"----and instead of leaving it there with a mutual nodding of heads, we actually pull out the calendars and schedule a day. Speaking of which, I have a friend to call. . .
9. "I don't have time". Maybe successful people don't SAY that, but one does need to be wise and filter out things that don't merit your time.
11. "I don't ever read books", My husband is really well read and retains a very large percentage of what he reads. I think it is one of those things that helps him to be successful. It is easy for him to contribute to conversations because of what he has read. I'm off to the library to get my bookclub book for the month.
12. "I'm not good enough". You never hear that from top dogs. Never. Sometimes you don't hear that from the next or following tiers either. I love determined people who, even if they might realize they haven't arrived yet, are striving to be great at something. And the striving and the direction of movement are what is required.
13. and 14. "It's o.k." and "If our competitors don't have it then we don't need it". This is good advice too (that is, not to say those things). I think sometimes too if there is a bottleneck, there just might be other ways to solve the problem (or abandon it).
15. "Time off is for suckers". Amen. It is always rejuvenating to take a little break.
Friday, September 26, 2014
Old Age and Dying
I have a friend who is nearing the end. We have been friends for about 23 years. It is so hard to see my friend's body failing, to see the resignation even if he believes that there is a life after this one and he looks forward to seeing loved ones again. It's hard to watch his body grow more feeble. It's hard to watch him walk and to watch his appetite decrease rapidly. I try to be careful in what I say so that he can maintain dignity. The other day when I visited, I asked if he'd like me to read from the Smithsonian magazine. I think he enjoyed the interesting topics, the vocabulary. Then we watched some little comedy show together. I loved watching him smile. What a dear man. He's 91. I can't imagine that the next weeks and month(s) will be easy.
Later. My friend died this week on Tuesday. Last Friday, I was at his house since I had forgotten my purse. He sat in his lazy-boy chair, clearly very tired and weak. He was alone and I got worried about him making it up the stairs to his bedroom. It was only 6 p.m. I encouraged him to let me help him up the stairs. He finally agreed. He stood with my help and used his walker to get to the stairway. Several weeks ago, my husband had come over and installed a handrail on the right wall so he would have two to help him the steps. Jeff also installed a metal hand grip in the door frame at the top of the stairs. My friend pulled himself up one step at a time. I stood behind him just in case. About 3/4 of the way up, he paused and said, "I'm so tired." He leaned his head against the wall. At last, he made it to the 2nd floor and used the walls to go down the hallway to his bedroom. I helped him onto the bed and lifted his legs for him and pulled the covers over him. I helped him with his medicine. He didn't have a phone in there, so I got an extra phone and hooked it up and posted several phone numbers where he could see it in case he needed it. I was sad to leave him but knew the medicine would help him sleep through the night. His final words to me were that I was an angel.
I'll never forget that. Ever.
He didn't want a funeral, so we will do our best to remain loyal to that wish though we are going to have a little fireside to honor him. One friend's idea was to hand out sticks of gum and lollipops to everyone at the end. Another friend's idea is to plant a Black Gum tree which will happen in the next two weeks.
Later. My friend died this week on Tuesday. Last Friday, I was at his house since I had forgotten my purse. He sat in his lazy-boy chair, clearly very tired and weak. He was alone and I got worried about him making it up the stairs to his bedroom. It was only 6 p.m. I encouraged him to let me help him up the stairs. He finally agreed. He stood with my help and used his walker to get to the stairway. Several weeks ago, my husband had come over and installed a handrail on the right wall so he would have two to help him the steps. Jeff also installed a metal hand grip in the door frame at the top of the stairs. My friend pulled himself up one step at a time. I stood behind him just in case. About 3/4 of the way up, he paused and said, "I'm so tired." He leaned his head against the wall. At last, he made it to the 2nd floor and used the walls to go down the hallway to his bedroom. I helped him onto the bed and lifted his legs for him and pulled the covers over him. I helped him with his medicine. He didn't have a phone in there, so I got an extra phone and hooked it up and posted several phone numbers where he could see it in case he needed it. I was sad to leave him but knew the medicine would help him sleep through the night. His final words to me were that I was an angel.
I'll never forget that. Ever.
He didn't want a funeral, so we will do our best to remain loyal to that wish though we are going to have a little fireside to honor him. One friend's idea was to hand out sticks of gum and lollipops to everyone at the end. Another friend's idea is to plant a Black Gum tree which will happen in the next two weeks.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
What it's like to be a missionary mom
Our oldest son, Mark, has been a Mormon missionary for 14 months now. Mormon missionaries serve for 24 months. This is something we have looked forward to since the day he was born. Both Jeff and I served missions and we both greatly value the time we served. Serving missions taught us so many things that have had lasting value and given us great joy we had as we watched people accept the gospel. So, we were of course delighted as he prepared and looked forward to his own mission.
The departure date was far more difficult than I ever anticipated. It took me about 6 weeks before I could be unemotional about his being away. However, once that passed, I look forward every Monday to his letters. I feel that he is protected by God in his safety and health. It has been wonderful to watch his focus and dedication to the job at hand. He has worked hard and tried his best. That is a wonderful thing to see in a son. Mark's blog is here: Mark's blog
We have three more sons. I trust that they will all serve missions. It is such a valuable experience for a young man (or a young woman).
update: 3/17/17 Our second son, Paul served in the Arizona Tempe mission, Spanish speaking. You can see Paul's blog and read about his experiences. One thing I loved about his mission is that the missionaries got to use ipads for the first time and they were given permission to teach people using facebook. Paul taught people all over the world and some people even got baptized. I was allowed to teach with him so we often worked together to talk with people about the church through facebook. It was a really wonderful experience for me!
Now, our third son, Eric is serving his mission in the Michigan Lansing mission, Spanish speaking. He was sent to the Mexico City MTC for his language training, which was unique. You can read about his experiences here: Eric's blog. He will finish up in December of 2018.
The departure date was far more difficult than I ever anticipated. It took me about 6 weeks before I could be unemotional about his being away. However, once that passed, I look forward every Monday to his letters. I feel that he is protected by God in his safety and health. It has been wonderful to watch his focus and dedication to the job at hand. He has worked hard and tried his best. That is a wonderful thing to see in a son. Mark's blog is here: Mark's blog
We have three more sons. I trust that they will all serve missions. It is such a valuable experience for a young man (or a young woman).
update: 3/17/17 Our second son, Paul served in the Arizona Tempe mission, Spanish speaking. You can see Paul's blog and read about his experiences. One thing I loved about his mission is that the missionaries got to use ipads for the first time and they were given permission to teach people using facebook. Paul taught people all over the world and some people even got baptized. I was allowed to teach with him so we often worked together to talk with people about the church through facebook. It was a really wonderful experience for me!
Now, our third son, Eric is serving his mission in the Michigan Lansing mission, Spanish speaking. He was sent to the Mexico City MTC for his language training, which was unique. You can read about his experiences here: Eric's blog. He will finish up in December of 2018.
Piano Lessons
I am a piano teacher. I have been teaching since I was about 14 years old. I love being a piano teacher. I always get excited when the school year starts because I choose new repertoire and set goals for what I want to accomplish with each student during the year.
Today is the first day of lessons. At 6:45, I had a "first" lesson with a 7 year old boy. We talked about note names, looked at the keyboard, played groups of black notes, learned a couple pieces that he will practice during the week, wiggled our various finger "numbers" etc. The second student was an hour later. He is learning the piano so he can become an organist. This summer, he prepared a hymn and got to play it on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir organ in Salt Lake City, Utah. We discussed proper pedaling this morning. He learns quickly. One day, he will not pay attention to how many minutes are left in the lesson. I think I need to hide the clock.
Three more lessons today, new music, reunions after summer breaks. The next student today spent the summer in Greece and the other family moved to a beautiful new house. The three children seemed excited to see me and two had pieces they had made up. We wrote them down and recorded one of them that was most prepared and I encouraged them to enter them in the PTA Reflections contest. And then my son needs to find some time to practice too.
Ahh. . . music. :)
(later in the week)
Yesterday morning, I taught a little boy where his thumb was. He thought it was his pinky. It was so cute to watch him hold his fingers spread out and consider this new information.
Today is the first day of lessons. At 6:45, I had a "first" lesson with a 7 year old boy. We talked about note names, looked at the keyboard, played groups of black notes, learned a couple pieces that he will practice during the week, wiggled our various finger "numbers" etc. The second student was an hour later. He is learning the piano so he can become an organist. This summer, he prepared a hymn and got to play it on the Mormon Tabernacle Choir organ in Salt Lake City, Utah. We discussed proper pedaling this morning. He learns quickly. One day, he will not pay attention to how many minutes are left in the lesson. I think I need to hide the clock.
Three more lessons today, new music, reunions after summer breaks. The next student today spent the summer in Greece and the other family moved to a beautiful new house. The three children seemed excited to see me and two had pieces they had made up. We wrote them down and recorded one of them that was most prepared and I encouraged them to enter them in the PTA Reflections contest. And then my son needs to find some time to practice too.
Ahh. . . music. :)
(later in the week)
Yesterday morning, I taught a little boy where his thumb was. He thought it was his pinky. It was so cute to watch him hold his fingers spread out and consider this new information.
Monday, August 4, 2014
I'm Sorry
Recently, my friend's daughter spilled water on my computer keyboard and ruined it. I wasn't home at the time. My friend replaced the keyboard and had her daughter write a note of apology to me. I wish I had kept it because it was perfect. The daughter was 7 so I'm sure she was coached, but it had these elements:
1. She explained what she had broken
2. How it had happened
3. That she knew it was wrong and that she shouldn't have had a drink nearby
4. That she won't do it again
5. That she would replace the keyboard with a new one
6. She still wanted to be friends with me.
I appreciated that her mother had taught her how to repent of a wrong-doing. It made me remember when I was about that age and had accidentally hit a Christmas light hanging from the roof and broken it. Similarly, I had written a note of apology. I was grateful when the owner of the house wrote back to me to say she had forgiven me. I remember feeling my burden being lifted.
I am aware of another situation where someone was wronged and the person who did it wrote a note of apology. However, the wronged person did not respond at all and it is very hard when one has made an effort to repent but is not receiving the gift of forgiveness. I'm learning some lessons.
A good thank you note, thoughtfully composed, is humbling and really makes you think about how you came up short in your behavior. I'm grateful for those who have forgiven me. I pray the others will forgive me.
Of course, this makes me think of Jesus Christ who taught us to forgive all. And, if we hope for our own forgiveness, it is a given that we must forgive others.
1. She explained what she had broken
2. How it had happened
3. That she knew it was wrong and that she shouldn't have had a drink nearby
4. That she won't do it again
5. That she would replace the keyboard with a new one
6. She still wanted to be friends with me.
I appreciated that her mother had taught her how to repent of a wrong-doing. It made me remember when I was about that age and had accidentally hit a Christmas light hanging from the roof and broken it. Similarly, I had written a note of apology. I was grateful when the owner of the house wrote back to me to say she had forgiven me. I remember feeling my burden being lifted.
I am aware of another situation where someone was wronged and the person who did it wrote a note of apology. However, the wronged person did not respond at all and it is very hard when one has made an effort to repent but is not receiving the gift of forgiveness. I'm learning some lessons.
A good thank you note, thoughtfully composed, is humbling and really makes you think about how you came up short in your behavior. I'm grateful for those who have forgiven me. I pray the others will forgive me.
Of course, this makes me think of Jesus Christ who taught us to forgive all. And, if we hope for our own forgiveness, it is a given that we must forgive others.
Sunday, June 29, 2014
"Fresh Courage Take", McLean Stake Youth Conference Trek
At the end of a funeral that Jeff and I attended back in January 2014, a counselor in the Stake Presidency approached us and asked us if we would be willing to chair the upcoming youth conference which would be a trek.
We said yes.
Later that day, we had a serious chat about if we could get through this experience happily enough in our marriage. We have different ways of doing things and we have never really collaborated on a church job before. We talked about some of our expectations and how we would deal with those and decided that we would be able to work it all out.
Now, six months later and trek behind us as of yesterday, we survived. Survived well, actually. I can remember just one incident. We went out for a walk one evening together and the 30 minute planned walk turned into a 5 minute walk due to trek topics. Jeff is very particular about formatting a google doc just so. I'm really bad at it. So, that has required some patience on his part. But, other than that, it has been a good experience together. It's been nice to see our various skills come together in one product.
Early in January, we started gathering committees. We had the following: Communications, Registration, Logistics, Food, Activities, Health and Safety, Stake youth leaders, Trail Boss, and Stake Presidency member. We went back to the previous trek and wrote up charters for each committee on what our expectations were for each one and added our goals and vision for trek.
We met about once a month to plan and collaborate. In March, Jeff went out to the ranch with Steve (trail boss), Chuck (logistics), and Kara (Activities) to scope out the trails and various areas. Chuck did some really nice map work to figure out the trail, portapotty drops, and food preparation sites. Steve made another trip out in June with the food committee so they'd know where they'd be cooking meals. Abraham used zoho to create a database of our information and provided all the lists I needed quickly and easily. Jeff and I provided the stake leaders with a long list of ideas for themes and the YW/YM stake leaders made the final decision on that. Then, communications worked on graphics and a presentation of the theme. They chose blue and white for "fresh". They left some letters in the them unfilled symbolizing that they youth would fill it with their experiences during trek. The background included a text block with all the names of the youth in the stake. It was very nice.
Chuck and Barbara went out on Wednesday to get the handcarts all laid out and ready for the Thursday arrival. Previously, they had also collected about 20 large coolers for food and about 20 large orange water coolers for water and a few other supplies. I don't think anyone went thirsty. I especially enjoyed the lemonade.
We had 150 youth participate. We had 13 families. One boy was unable to walk. His dad built him a chair that fit into the handcart. It was padded and had head support. Various youth took turns pulling him and he made it the entire way.
William went with us. He's our son and is 12, not old enough to formally participate. He helped out on Thursday with the water stations. On Friday, he socialized a little more. Friday afternoon was fun. We had Lincoln come tell stories. Kara had candle dipping going on. There were pioneer games, and hair washing stations (in the creek) as well. After dinner, the Langley ward brought musicians and we had a hoedown. They taught us the Virginia Reel. I felt like about 80% of the youth participated. They divided us into groups of about 12. Since there were more boys at trek than girls, I didn't feel guilty about jumping in and participating. It was fun!
There were lots of spiritual opportunities: Bishop time, family time, and firesides with the Stake Presidency.
Food. It was delicious. Menus included biscuits and gravy, pancakes, sack lunches from home, homemade bread, ham, cheese, popcorn, sausage stew, and chicken and potatoes, pie, scones. We ate really well.
The youth slept on big tarps on either side of the wagons: boys on one side, girls on the other. William and I slept in our tent. Jeff slept in his hammock. On Friday, there was some prediction of rain so we had them put up their rain tarps. They looked so nice on the hillside! We felt prepared. It ended up not raining, but the tarps did provide some warmth and kept the dew off their sleeping bags.
We had a few medical issues--slightly sprained ankles, a bee sting or two, lots of ticks, a possible allergic reaction. . . not too bad.
The testimony meeting is always a highlight since we get to hear what the youth have pondered about during trek. I think they appreciated the opportunity to work hard together. The carts probably weigh 350-400 pounds once their bags are all loaded. Going up and down rocky hills isn't easy. They had to work together over a distance of about 15 miles during the three days. The youth gained spiritual strength from each other. They had time to ponder the difficulties faced by the early Mormon pioneers. We talked a lot about the theme of having fresh courage: courage to pray, courage to have gratitude etc.
At one point, we did a woman's pull. The young men were tapped on the shoulders to come out from pushing/pulling the carts eventually leaving just the women pulling. The YW worked together and had the experience of doing something really hard together. There were often times in early Mormon history when the men left to fulfill missions and teach the gospel in other parts of the world and the women were left to care for the children etc.
It was a wonderful sight to stand at the end of trek and watch the group come over the far hill and then approach us with their handcarts. They had successfully made it to the end!
We had Shopper's Donuts for them. We thought they'd eat a lot, but they didn't eat as many as we bought unfortunately.
Now it's over. We just have some loose ends to tie up such as finances, returning borrowed equipment, thank you's etc.
My impressions: I saw a lot of consecration on the part of adults. They worked all day--from dawn until late at night. They gave up work days. They paid their own money for hotels. They worked over hot stoves. They moved heavy water containers many times. They made many shuttle trips in the car. The youth were particularly well-behaved, good kids. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by a community like this. Oh, and behind the scenes there were many people who supported us who didn't come to camp such as ward members who baked 64 loaves of bread, or who cooked enough potatoes for 225 people or chicken for that many, or made some 40 pies. There were YMYW leaders on the ward levels who arranged rides, collected letters from parents, encouraged youth to attend, collected registration information. I figured that there were probably 150 support adults for these youth. I'm grateful for everyone who helped and hope that the youth benefit greatly from this experience.
We said yes.
Later that day, we had a serious chat about if we could get through this experience happily enough in our marriage. We have different ways of doing things and we have never really collaborated on a church job before. We talked about some of our expectations and how we would deal with those and decided that we would be able to work it all out.
Now, six months later and trek behind us as of yesterday, we survived. Survived well, actually. I can remember just one incident. We went out for a walk one evening together and the 30 minute planned walk turned into a 5 minute walk due to trek topics. Jeff is very particular about formatting a google doc just so. I'm really bad at it. So, that has required some patience on his part. But, other than that, it has been a good experience together. It's been nice to see our various skills come together in one product.
Early in January, we started gathering committees. We had the following: Communications, Registration, Logistics, Food, Activities, Health and Safety, Stake youth leaders, Trail Boss, and Stake Presidency member. We went back to the previous trek and wrote up charters for each committee on what our expectations were for each one and added our goals and vision for trek.
We met about once a month to plan and collaborate. In March, Jeff went out to the ranch with Steve (trail boss), Chuck (logistics), and Kara (Activities) to scope out the trails and various areas. Chuck did some really nice map work to figure out the trail, portapotty drops, and food preparation sites. Steve made another trip out in June with the food committee so they'd know where they'd be cooking meals. Abraham used zoho to create a database of our information and provided all the lists I needed quickly and easily. Jeff and I provided the stake leaders with a long list of ideas for themes and the YW/YM stake leaders made the final decision on that. Then, communications worked on graphics and a presentation of the theme. They chose blue and white for "fresh". They left some letters in the them unfilled symbolizing that they youth would fill it with their experiences during trek. The background included a text block with all the names of the youth in the stake. It was very nice.
Chuck and Barbara went out on Wednesday to get the handcarts all laid out and ready for the Thursday arrival. Previously, they had also collected about 20 large coolers for food and about 20 large orange water coolers for water and a few other supplies. I don't think anyone went thirsty. I especially enjoyed the lemonade.
We had 150 youth participate. We had 13 families. One boy was unable to walk. His dad built him a chair that fit into the handcart. It was padded and had head support. Various youth took turns pulling him and he made it the entire way.
William went with us. He's our son and is 12, not old enough to formally participate. He helped out on Thursday with the water stations. On Friday, he socialized a little more. Friday afternoon was fun. We had Lincoln come tell stories. Kara had candle dipping going on. There were pioneer games, and hair washing stations (in the creek) as well. After dinner, the Langley ward brought musicians and we had a hoedown. They taught us the Virginia Reel. I felt like about 80% of the youth participated. They divided us into groups of about 12. Since there were more boys at trek than girls, I didn't feel guilty about jumping in and participating. It was fun!
There were lots of spiritual opportunities: Bishop time, family time, and firesides with the Stake Presidency.
Food. It was delicious. Menus included biscuits and gravy, pancakes, sack lunches from home, homemade bread, ham, cheese, popcorn, sausage stew, and chicken and potatoes, pie, scones. We ate really well.
The youth slept on big tarps on either side of the wagons: boys on one side, girls on the other. William and I slept in our tent. Jeff slept in his hammock. On Friday, there was some prediction of rain so we had them put up their rain tarps. They looked so nice on the hillside! We felt prepared. It ended up not raining, but the tarps did provide some warmth and kept the dew off their sleeping bags.
We had a few medical issues--slightly sprained ankles, a bee sting or two, lots of ticks, a possible allergic reaction. . . not too bad.
The testimony meeting is always a highlight since we get to hear what the youth have pondered about during trek. I think they appreciated the opportunity to work hard together. The carts probably weigh 350-400 pounds once their bags are all loaded. Going up and down rocky hills isn't easy. They had to work together over a distance of about 15 miles during the three days. The youth gained spiritual strength from each other. They had time to ponder the difficulties faced by the early Mormon pioneers. We talked a lot about the theme of having fresh courage: courage to pray, courage to have gratitude etc.
At one point, we did a woman's pull. The young men were tapped on the shoulders to come out from pushing/pulling the carts eventually leaving just the women pulling. The YW worked together and had the experience of doing something really hard together. There were often times in early Mormon history when the men left to fulfill missions and teach the gospel in other parts of the world and the women were left to care for the children etc.
It was a wonderful sight to stand at the end of trek and watch the group come over the far hill and then approach us with their handcarts. They had successfully made it to the end!
We had Shopper's Donuts for them. We thought they'd eat a lot, but they didn't eat as many as we bought unfortunately.
Now it's over. We just have some loose ends to tie up such as finances, returning borrowed equipment, thank you's etc.
My impressions: I saw a lot of consecration on the part of adults. They worked all day--from dawn until late at night. They gave up work days. They paid their own money for hotels. They worked over hot stoves. They moved heavy water containers many times. They made many shuttle trips in the car. The youth were particularly well-behaved, good kids. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by a community like this. Oh, and behind the scenes there were many people who supported us who didn't come to camp such as ward members who baked 64 loaves of bread, or who cooked enough potatoes for 225 people or chicken for that many, or made some 40 pies. There were YMYW leaders on the ward levels who arranged rides, collected letters from parents, encouraged youth to attend, collected registration information. I figured that there were probably 150 support adults for these youth. I'm grateful for everyone who helped and hope that the youth benefit greatly from this experience.
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