Old Age and Dying

I have a friend who is nearing the end.  We have been friends for about 23 years.  It is so hard to see my friend's body failing, to see the resignation even if he believes that there is a life after this one and he looks forward to seeing loved ones again.  It's hard to watch his body grow more feeble.  It's hard to watch him walk and to watch his appetite decrease rapidly. I try to be careful in what I say so that he can maintain dignity.  The other day when I visited, I asked if he'd like me to read from the Smithsonian magazine.  I think he enjoyed the interesting topics, the vocabulary.  Then we watched some little comedy show together.  I loved watching him smile.  What a dear man.  He's 91.  I can't imagine that the next weeks and month(s) will be easy.

Later.  My friend died this week on Tuesday.  Last Friday, I was at his house since I had forgotten my purse.  He sat in his lazy-boy chair, clearly very tired and weak.  He was alone and I got worried about him making it up the stairs to his bedroom.  It was only 6 p.m.  I encouraged him to let me help him up the stairs.  He finally agreed.  He stood with my help and used his walker to get to the stairway.  Several weeks ago, my husband had come over and installed a handrail on the right wall so he would have two to help him the steps.  Jeff also installed a metal hand grip in the door frame at the top of the stairs.  My friend pulled himself up one step at a time.  I stood behind him just in case.  About 3/4 of the way up, he paused and said, "I'm so tired."  He leaned his head against the wall.  At last, he made it to the 2nd floor and used the walls to go down the hallway to his bedroom.  I helped him onto the bed and lifted his legs for him and pulled the covers over him.  I helped him with his medicine.  He didn't have a phone in there, so I got an extra phone and hooked it up and posted several phone numbers where he could see it in case he needed it.  I was sad to leave him but knew the medicine would help him sleep through the night.  His final words to me were that I was an angel.
I'll never forget that.  Ever.

He didn't want a funeral, so we will do our best to remain loyal to that wish though we are going to have a little fireside to honor him.  One friend's idea was to hand out sticks of gum and lollipops to everyone at the end.  Another friend's idea is to plant a Black Gum tree which will happen in the next two weeks.